FakeHealer wrote:An inheritance has always been "blood money" to me, & I never wanted one(I'd rather have my mom back), so this approval "helped" by the inheritance felt bittersweet(& somewhat wrong!).
In the following, I am assuming that she either died with her mental capacity remaining, or that you two were very close before she lost her capacity. I am also assuming she either had at least a basic estate plan to leave the money to you or knew that in the absence of a plan, a good part of it would go to you by default.
Your mother knew that the day would come that she wouldn't be there for you. An inheritance is a way she can continue to help you. It's not the same as having her there with you - and she understood that. Love and care are the best things, but when she can't be there, leaving you her property is what she can do. She couldn't take it with her, and wanted you to have it.
Maybe you feel that until/unless you acknowledge the inheritance fully, she isn't irretrievably gone? It's a common reaction after the passing of a loved one.
Keep in mind that your choice is not between getting your mom back or keeping and making use of what was her money. It is between keeping, using (and even enjoying) the money she wanted you to have, or not having anything to do with what she left you.
You should definitely not rush to do anything 'weird' with the money anytime soon. Grieving heirs are popular targets for unscrupulous people selling risky/complicated/expensive financial 'solutions'...annuities with a lot of fine print...speculative investments, etc.
Maybe you can use part of the money to do something to honor her? A gift to a charity she liked? A trip to a place she wanted to one day go with you? Again, I'd urge you not to rush to anything, but now is a good time to brainstorm possibilities.
I wouldn't get any more cards for the time being. 6 is a lot to keep track of as it is.