Guys...What do I do?

A place to discuss anything... except credit cards!
56 posts
User avatar
Snowman
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 10:10 pm
Location: North Los Angeles County

Guys...What do I do?

Postby Snowman » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:40 pm

Just figured I would post a bit of an update on what's going on in my life. I'm stuck in a dilemma and I just don't know what to do right now. This is a long post but bear with me please :)

Anyways. So I posted a thread about six months back about me wanting to join the Military (specifically the Navy). That went well, lost the weight....and went to MEPS (Military Processing Entrance Station) Scored decently on the ASVAB (got a 77) and passed everything on the physical except the duck-walk (walk around squatting..just lost my balance and that caused me to fail) and something called an Ear Lavage (basically they just need to clean out my ears so nothing major.) My mom threatened to throw me out if I went back there again saying that us "Pakistani's don't do these types of jobs" and my dad saying that most of the people in the service are failures and have nothing else..or they need money for school...etc. I want to be in the Navy specifically because I believe this country gives people like my parents who immigrated 25 years+ back a lot of opportunities and we should pay it back by serving this country. I'm 21 so I'll only be 25 when I decide to come out. If I hate it, then It'll be a life lesson for me but I can still recover and make something of myself. So basically...I wanna go back soon and I will hopefully this month...and then leaving in March of next year.

My other Dilemma is this. So a few years back, I went through a bad break-up where my ex cheated on me. In anger I deleted her number, texts, pictures, and anything else that reminded me of her. A few weeks back, I had to get my cars maintenance done, and decided to have lunch with one of my friends who I've known for a long time. Along with her was her sister and my younger brother (they invited us out to lunch since they love the kid...he's eight...her older sister joined us later.) So anyways, we get there (the three of us) and she starts telling me about her ex and how their not together anymore (he lives about 60 miles away.) She starts telling me about how he drove all the way from his house to the animal shelter out here and dropped off both dogs that he bought from my friend. So I, being the good friend and knowing her for this long and along with my brother decide to accompany her to the animal shelter and get them out and take them to her house. So on the way there, we talk and the more I think about it, the more I started liking her just because we know each other for so long, get along really well, and just whole bunch of other things. My younger brother even noticed and suggested something but I brushed him off.

Anyway, she drives us back to the dealership and we proceed to pick up our car. Then, later that night I text her thanking her for taking us out...and we had a good time. So a few days later my mom starts giving me the spiel about how I should be like my younger brother and go to school, how I'm a bad influence on my younger brother and how he's going to end up just like me...blah, blah, blah. So on the pre-text that I needed to vent, I asked her to meet me at Starbucks that's really close to my house. So, she says okay...but she gets late. I, in the mean time just decide to go to the mall and kill time. Then, she decides that it's too late to get coffee let's get dinner. Being that this was my idea, she suggested Pizza and I obliged and paid for our meal. So in the course of the car ride, she was telling me about her ex and how he cheated on her twice, and would be emotionally and verbally abusive towards her...dude was basically a total douche, and I being the supportive/sympathetic friend/guy listen and tell her that she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and she deserves better (she's also really pretty...and unfortunately some of the prettiest women out there are treated the worst). So, while we are there she starts telling me about her sister's wedding and how her sisters husband (brother-in-law) gave her number to one of his friends. She and I are 21, this dude (her bro in laws friend is 28). So she was telling me that he failed his MCAT twice and so on but he's pretty good looking (I'm average). And how he's sounding like he's ready for marriage... We then start talking about the Navy and how she's really proud of me. I then asked her to describe me and stuff...since she's known me since we were in 1st grade (they live on the other side of town but we've known each other for a long time and were almost always at their house) Then I ask her to remember what my brother suggested. She starts laughing and I simply asked her out that instant (I think I caught her off guard). But then she says that I want to do this often and talk and stuff and If I won't be here for 6-7 months on end it'll be difficult, and how it'll be a huge step in our friendship. I didn't pressure her or anything and she said I'll think about it. We talked more, and then she asked me how long I've felt like this. Told her "since the day we met" but I couldn't ask her or tell her when we were little because I'm not the type of person that outwardly expresses his feelings. Then she was dating other guys, while I was in a relationship of my own. Anyway she left and I went home. But now, it's been 3 weeks and I'm starting to wonder what's going to happen. Because she knows that I'll never be unfaithful towards her, treat her how she deserves, and so on because I genuinely like her. However, her sister's wedding was the week after this and I didn't bother asking since I knew she was going to busy, that ended and now it's been a week after school started. I know she's busy but I'm hoping she didn't forget or something. I'm just stuck because Idk if she feels the same way about me, I don't want it to become one of those things where once I get out of the Navy and we're both still single, I don't want to ask her out again simply because if she doesn't want to be in my life now, she won't want to be in it later, or she might be taken and be mistreated by another guy like her ex (this would be her fault, but I care about her and I don't want her to go through what she went through). Part of me regrets asking her (I don't regret anything tho) Part of me is glad I did, and part of me is hoping she says yes because I want to spend as much time as I can with her before I go. I mean I've known her a little over 15 years, I was hoping for something...some inkling. If she says no, it's fine. I'll be a little hurt but I'll move on. I just don't know what to do guys. I really don't. Either I move on with her or without her, but I am at a loss on what to do. What should I do? have any of you been in a similar situation? What do I do now? keep hoping I'll get an answer or just drop this and move on? If need be, I can clarify or add whatever was left out.

-Snowman
Bank Of America: BankAmeriCard Cash Rewards-4.2k
Citi: Forward-4.5k American Airlines Advantage Platinum Select World Elite MasterCard 9/6/15-4K
Discover: More-7k
Amex BCE.2k- Amex SPG-5k
Chase: Freedom-5kSouthwest Rapid Rewards Plus- 3.6k
Capital one: Venture one-10,000, Visa Signature.


User avatar
onion
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 262
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:59 pm
Location: Jacksonville, FL

Postby onion » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:33 pm

I'll keep it short and sweet. Don't take any offense as none is meant, I just tend to be a bit blunt at times.

-Date the girl. She obviously likes you. Don't be slow, otherwise she'll get tired of waiting and date someone else in the meantime. I was too shy to ask my fiancee out when we first met. She nearly went out with someone else, and I probably wouldn't be with her now.

-Your parents are out of their mind if they think that the military is for losers. People like you are the reason why they can have a nice safe country to live in. Sure, they may be worried you get hurt or killed, but the risk is definitely worth the reward. You come out of it a much better person.

Here's a page with Navy and Marines casualties. You can do a bit of math and figure out the casualty rate if you want.

http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq56-1.htm

Edit: Forgot to mention something. A way to tell that that relationship will go pretty well... If you've known her for 15 years, chances are you guys don't drive each other nuts in certain ways. Less chances of an explosive breakup.
FICO TU - 728 - 8/14
FICO EX - 716 - 7/14
FICO EQ - 740 - 7/14

Bank of America Cash Rewards - $2,400
Best Buy - $3,000
American Express Blue Cash Everyday - $8,000
American Express Everyday - $10,000
Discover It Chrome - $500 (AU on fiancée's card, helping her build credit)
American Express Platinum - NPSL
Barclaycard Arrival+ - $3,000
Capital One Yamacard - $11,000

User avatar
Snowman
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 10:10 pm
Location: North Los Angeles County

Postby Snowman » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:48 pm

onion wrote:I'll keep it short and sweet. Don't take any offense as none is meant, I just tend to be a bit blunt at times.

-Date the girl. She obviously likes you. Don't be slow, otherwise she'll get tired of waiting and date someone else in the meantime. I was too shy to ask my fiancee out when we first met. She nearly went out with someone else, and I probably wouldn't be with her now.

-Your parents are out of their mind if they think that the military is for losers. People like you are the reason why they can have a nice safe country to live in. Sure, they may be worried you get hurt or killed, but the risk is definitely worth the reward. You come out of it a much better person.

Here's a page with Navy and Marines casualties. You can do a bit of math and figure out the casualty rate if you want.

http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq56-1.htm

Edit: Forgot to mention something. A way to tell that that relationship will go pretty well... If you've known her for 15 years, chances are you guys don't drive each other nuts in certain ways. Less chances of an explosive breakup.


Onion,

I appreciate the bluntness...I need it! :)

I do want to date her, but she doesn't respond to my texts because it always seems like she's busy which is fine. I'm afraid that she might've already said yes to her bro in laws friend and their going out now. At least if she tells me it's cool...but I really don't like being left in the dark. That's my worry. I hope she'd be honest. If she says no, at least I know what I can do to improve myself so maybe when I ask another girl out I'll be more successful. Just not seeing signs. She responded to one of my texts on Saturday but none before that from the last couple of weeks ago. This is why I'm at a loss. At least with my ex she would respond to my texts, we got to see each other every weekend and hung out by going bowling, or shooting or paint-balling or something and when I finally asked her out she said yes. This girl, OTOH, is not giving me any signs which is worrying me. I just hope she hasn't thought about it yet...

I know, that's what I was saying. Yeah there are some losers, but then again they are in every type of line of work. I realize that I may be hurt or killed but as one of my co-workers so eloquently put it "When it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you can do to change it". And that's another reason: I want to come out as a better person too. I appreciate the figures. I realize that the Navy is probably the least combat-oriented branch and there are rarely casualties. My dad tells me that the years from 18-25 are the prime years of your life and to enjoy them, stay in school etc. But Idk why I'm going to school for, so I might as well take the next four years, figure it out, and then come back...I'll be relatively young still.

Appreciate the response Onion!

-Snowman
Bank Of America: BankAmeriCard Cash Rewards-4.2k
Citi: Forward-4.5k American Airlines Advantage Platinum Select World Elite MasterCard 9/6/15-4K
Discover: More-7k
Amex BCE.2k- Amex SPG-5k
Chase: Freedom-5kSouthwest Rapid Rewards Plus- 3.6k
Capital one: Venture one-10,000, Visa Signature.

User avatar
onion
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 262
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:59 pm
Location: Jacksonville, FL

Postby onion » Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:52 pm

Snowman wrote:Onion,

I appreciate the bluntness...I need it! :)

I do want to date her, but she doesn't respond to my texts because it always seems like she's busy which is fine. I'm afraid that she might've already said yes to her bro in laws friend and their going out now. At least if she tells me it's cool...but I really don't like being left in the dark. That's my worry. I hope she'd be honest. If she says no, at least I know what I can do to improve myself so maybe when I ask another girl out I'll be more successful. Just not seeing signs. She responded to one of my texts on Saturday but none before that from the last couple of weeks ago. This is why I'm at a loss. At least with my ex she would respond to my texts, we got to see each other every weekend and hung out by going bowling, or shooting or paint-balling or something and when I finally asked her out she said yes. This girl, OTOH, is not giving me any signs which is worrying me. I just hope she hasn't thought about it yet...

I know, that's what I was saying. Yeah there are some losers, but then again they are in every type of line of work. I realize that I may be hurt or killed but as one of my co-workers so eloquently put it "When it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you can do to change it". And that's another reason: I want to come out as a better person too. I appreciate the figures. I realize that the Navy is probably the least combat-oriented branch and there are rarely casualties. My dad tells me that the years from 18-25 are the prime years of your life and to enjoy them, stay in school etc. But Idk why I'm going to school for, so I might as well take the next four years, figure it out, and then come back...I'll be relatively young still.

Appreciate the response Onion!

-Snowman


Ah, finally, someone appreciates it! :P

Its easy to blow someone off by text, but its also easy to just forget to text back (which I do a lot). I'd either give her a call, or meet up with her and figure out what's going on. Everyone is different, maybe she's giving you signs you're not picking up on, or maybe she's the kind of person that doesn't give signs and is just straightforward, or maybe she's just expecting you to get your **** together and ask her out already. You can't lose anything by asking, but you do have something to lose if you just don't handle it quick enough.

I haven't served (living in the US but not a citizen) only because I don't have the option to do so. I spent 3 months with the IDF and had to live with the soldiers. I can assure you its a great experience. It isn't a walk in the park and it will push you pretty hard, but its entirely worth it. I didn't have to go through as much training as an actual soldier would, but it really pays off. There's also nothing wrong with not having a bachelor's degree at 22. You don't even necessarily need to go to college (although it is very helpful) to make a decent living. I'm 20, run my own small business, and have been taking it a bit slow with school due to work and a car accident. I'll probably graduate about a year late, but its no big deal because employers don't care that you're a year older than someone else, they just care about your experience. I can't possibly think of a reason someone wouldn't want to hire someone who spent 4 years in a military branch. They're pretty much guaranteed to be a better employee (at least as far as being punctual, etc goes).
FICO TU - 728 - 8/14

FICO EX - 716 - 7/14

FICO EQ - 740 - 7/14



Bank of America Cash Rewards - $2,400

Best Buy - $3,000

American Express Blue Cash Everyday - $8,000

American Express Everyday - $10,000

Discover It Chrome - $500 (AU on fiancée's card, helping her build credit)

American Express Platinum - NPSL

Barclaycard Arrival+ - $3,000

Capital One Yamacard - $11,000

User avatar
Snowman
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 10:10 pm
Location: North Los Angeles County

Postby Snowman » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:52 am

Onion,

I do lol. Honesty is the best trait IMO :) .

The thing is, every time I call her it always goes to voice-mail and she doesn't respond. So then I text her and hope that she responds. I've been trying to meet up with her for the last few weeks but the week after I asked her out was her sister's wedding in which I understand she's busy so that's fine. Now it's been a week after that and school started last Monday. I know she's busy. Now it's starting to become the third week and this is the point where I'm worrying. I mean physically I'm not the best looking guy (I'm a skinny 5'6 guy that working to get himself in shape) but beyond that what is it that other guys offer that I don't?. It could be that she is giving signs that I'm not picking up on...but she isn't like that or at least I hope not. LOL, I have asked her out and she told me "I'll think about it" (The whole background and reasoning of me being afraid is in the original post, I didn't want to pressure her either and she said that she would tell me after the wedding...this week will be a couple weeks since then). That's the dilemma. Has she simply forgotten? Has she already said yes to the other guy and leave me out in the dark? If I do return from the service, will she ever want to come back to me? Will she tell me one day that I never made time for her and now she's taken...then I show her that 4 years back, that's what I tried and she never responded? Will she and I regret it? That's what I'm trying to figure and the other concerns I had. I told her regardless of whether we're together or not, we'll be friends and it won't change anything. I just...idk at this point what to do? My parents are hosting dinner for her sister and bro in law and some other families in our community, and I want to ask her a week before, or during the dinner. Would that be a good idea? I just don't want to bother her, but at the same time I'm hoping she remembers what I asked and say yes. I've wanted to compliment her on the wedding events and how great she looked, and some other things...but if she won't respond what's the point right? Idk....this is just frustrating to say the least. I'd rather her be straightforward. I know she reads my texts but doesn't always respond. What do I do?

Haha yeah we know each other pretty well. We get along really well because both of us have had to deal with siblings that are top students and pretty much the parental favorites, while she and I always got into trouble together and always bonded really well, and understand each other. I had the same sort of relationship with my ex. I liked her a lot, she always knew how to cheer me up on a bad day, she loved doing things like hiking, shooting, paint-balling etc, we always were good together..just circumstances took us apart and now idk if she's still out there are not. Don't know, don't care anymore. She has has always been there for me, and I've always been there for her...and always will be no matter where I might be, their family is like my family and always will be.

Ahh that is a good experience. I do hope you do get the chance to serve this great country one day. Exactly, most don't really worry about the degree, just the experience is what's important and I think the military is one of the best places to get life and job experience. I agree. Now it's just time to figure when I can go down there again. That's what I say too. I come from an Indian/Pakistani family where having a degree is the norm. I'm a bit more unconventional and decided to go towards a different path while I'm young and able enough to do so. Tomorrow may or may not be here...
Bank Of America: BankAmeriCard Cash Rewards-4.2k
Citi: Forward-4.5k American Airlines Advantage Platinum Select World Elite MasterCard 9/6/15-4K
Discover: More-7k
Amex BCE.2k- Amex SPG-5k
Chase: Freedom-5kSouthwest Rapid Rewards Plus- 3.6k
Capital one: Venture one-10,000, Visa Signature.

User avatar
djrez4
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 1468
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:20 pm
Location: United States

Postby djrez4 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:20 am

For Fs sake, man. Quit overthinking it. Call her.
[RIGHT][size=100]- Sapphire Preferred - Freedom - Ink - Platinum - Everyday Preferred -[/size]
[/RIGHT]

User avatar
Snowman
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 10:10 pm
Location: North Los Angeles County

Postby Snowman » Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:30 pm

Dj- I have lol. Goes straight to voicemail. I'm going to stop over thinking it and hope it turns out well lol...
Bank Of America: BankAmeriCard Cash Rewards-4.2k
Citi: Forward-4.5k American Airlines Advantage Platinum Select World Elite MasterCard 9/6/15-4K
Discover: More-7k
Amex BCE.2k- Amex SPG-5k
Chase: Freedom-5kSouthwest Rapid Rewards Plus- 3.6k
Capital one: Venture one-10,000, Visa Signature.

User avatar
onion
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 262
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:59 pm
Location: Jacksonville, FL

Postby onion » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:03 pm

Snowman wrote:Dj- I have lol. Goes straight to voicemail. I'm going to stop over thinking it and hope it turns out well lol...


Don't have time for a long reply since I'm typing from my phone. Just go see her.

Also, in your last paragraph you misunderstood what I meant. Having a degree is very important, but people don't care if you got it a couple years late because you were in the military.
FICO TU - 728 - 8/14

FICO EX - 716 - 7/14

FICO EQ - 740 - 7/14



Bank of America Cash Rewards - $2,400

Best Buy - $3,000

American Express Blue Cash Everyday - $8,000

American Express Everyday - $10,000

Discover It Chrome - $500 (AU on fiancée's card, helping her build credit)

American Express Platinum - NPSL

Barclaycard Arrival+ - $3,000

Capital One Yamacard - $11,000

User avatar
Snowman
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 10:10 pm
Location: North Los Angeles County

Postby Snowman » Tue Sep 02, 2014 4:23 pm

I'm going to try that onion.

Also, yeah, a degree is important but really how much is it worth to employers today unless your going to some sort of graduate school as well.
Bank Of America: BankAmeriCard Cash Rewards-4.2k
Citi: Forward-4.5k American Airlines Advantage Platinum Select World Elite MasterCard 9/6/15-4K
Discover: More-7k
Amex BCE.2k- Amex SPG-5k
Chase: Freedom-5kSouthwest Rapid Rewards Plus- 3.6k
Capital one: Venture one-10,000, Visa Signature.

MemberSince99
Centurion Member
Centurion Member
 
Posts: 4913
Joined: Sun May 20, 2012 4:35 pm
Location: WI

Postby MemberSince99 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 4:38 pm

I'd be careful Snowman. You are a great guy don't want to see you end up hurt. That's always a risk with this kind of thing.


As far as a degree, if I had things to do over I'd go to trade school. A hell of a lot cheaper and a quicker path to get a career going. Plumbing for example isn't going anywhere - it's not economically viable to send your plumbing system to India to have them do it, or China or Vietnam or some third world country with slave wages, and they can't just hire burger flippers or unlicensed people to do the work and just get anyone over here on an H1-B to do it for 50 cents an hour either.


You have to figure these days if there is any field they can either offshore or bring slaves over here to do to drive down the pay, EXCEPT business management, they will do it. Thus, everything is pretty much going to hell and we will become a third world country in a race to the bottom. My fervent hope is I manage to keep my job at a living wage long enough to pay off my house before age discrimination and the destruction of the middle class drives me out of the living wage labor force. It's a race against time. Fortunately my employer is currently looking for people and can't find any qualified ones they like so that's good to know, but that could change at any time which is the scary part. But I'd consider something along the lines of vocational and I'be VERY wary of taking on a lot of debt for an education these days. You're a smart guy I'm sure you will do well no matter what!



Return to “The Lounge”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests