CarefulBuilder14 wrote:This is 2014. If she wants to get in touch, she has a wide variety of methods available for doing so.
I think she cares about you, and doesn't want you to suffer in general, or to be the one to make you suffer.
Women tend to view men on a 'two ladder' basis. One ladder is for friends, and the other is for potential romantic partners. Women tend to assign men to one of these groups pretty quickly. How a man interacts with her can move him up or down each ladder. It sounds like you're high on the friendship ladder, and your friendship genuinely means a lot to her. The unfortunate news is that you're stuck there. You're a valuable friend to her. If you weren't, she might tell you more bluntly (and perhaps cruelly) that she wasn't interested, rather than trying to ignore you and hope your interest in her dies away in a nearly painless way. She may care about you more than she cares about some romantic partners in her life, but it's just a different kind of caring.
Once you're on the friend ladder, it is extremely difficult to move over to the romantic ladder. You tried to make that jump, but it didn't work. It's not just you. Usually, it doesn't work.
Guys are different, usually. An old female friend can potentially become a desired romantic partner more easily. But if the female is interested, it usually means she had a little bit of interest in the past.
Give her some space and some time, and your friendship can return to near-normality.
I think so too, but I've suffered a lot in my past (I was always the kid that was socially awkward back in Elementary School. Once I got to Jr. High and High school I became much more social). So I can take a lot of crap..I'm used to it. Maybe you are right, maybe she doesn't want to be the one to make me suffer.
I guess she cares in a different way. If anything, I'd rather her be blunt (I prefer blunt honesty) and tell me straight the words "No". I guess I'm in the "Friend Zone" forever...lol?
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I mean we've been friends for a long time so we'll still talk and stuff but no more trying to be involved with her in a partner/romantic sense. I mean she said "I'll think about it"....that's why I was being patient. But I can only wonder for so long and delude myself...
CarefulBuilder14 wrote:"I'll think about it" means "I am not going to give you the full, brutal truth right now, because I don't want to hurt you. I just want your feelings and these conversations to end as painlessly as possible".
When a typical woman is genuinely undecided about someone as a steady, stable, romantic partner, she may make herself a little hard to get. Maybe intentionally not returning a call for a few days if the guy is someone she hasn't known for very long. Maybe you'd have to text her 3 or 4 times before she replies. But no contact for a month means "I really don't want to talk to him and I wish he'd move on".
It hurts her to have to hurt you. Saying you can take the pain doesn't totally take the pain away for her.
CarefulBuilder14 wrote:So we've been giving you a lot of advice about inaction and what not to do. Maybe some advice about what to do will be more helpful.
If you aren't part of a gym, join one. If you already work out, work out more often. It will help you take your mind off of her, and give you something else to think about. It may also be a good way to meet new people and get you out of your rut.
Or, see if you can get a friend to follow a similar workout schedule. After my first (and, actually, only bad) breakup, I would go jogging in the morning and a few friends would come along. The ex had been my previous main jogging partner, so having friends there helped. The early morning workouts with friends did die off in attendance and frequency, but they were enough to keep me from losing that healthy habit entirely.
Also, as you look better, you get more looks from MOSs. Those help a lot in building confidence and mending a wounded heart.
Don't try to rush into a relationship with someone else, though, or even actively look for one. Be selfish a bit, and focus on what is best for you and the people who have been good to you.
That's awesome! If you don't mind me asking, what did you do in the AF? AF was my first option but they never responded to my emails or calls at two separate recruitment offices so I went with the Navy instead since they were actually willing to work with me.