Down in a hole....feeling so small

For just about anything you want to get off your chest about credit cards.
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MemberSince99
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Postby MemberSince99 » Tue Apr 22, 2014 6:50 am

otter is hilarious. I make sure to read his posts right away and am seldom disappointed. I wonder if 09 would really ban him for the incest comments if he made them? I mean he didn't insult anyone in Bangladesh and that's what the mods over there really care about besides the cult of gardening. I think you could probably insult hillbillies and get away with it, in fact you did otter remember that post about Cletus and the boys? She didn't ban you for that but if you would have made fun of Crap One customer service she would have.


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djrez4
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Postby djrez4 » Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:45 pm

I've been thinking about this for the past few days and have come to the following:

The comments we've all made in this thread are absolutely inappropriate and uncalled for. We're nothing but internet bullies, preying on an unfortunate soul (behind his back, I should add) who, while he may have played a role in creating the circumstances in which he now finds himself, has done absolutely nothing deserving of such animosity.

Some of the posts here have been despicable.

We're slinging mud at a kid who obviously doesn't understand the intricacies of personal finance, who was raised by parents who likewise do not understand personal finance. We're berating a child who, with the best of intentions (and perhaps not the best of intellects), sought help to bring his family up from the depths of poor credit and debt. His efforts were thwarted by external factors and he didn't have the life experience to deal with it, so he turned to the internet. We may pontificate on the wisdom of publicizing one's failures, but we cannot, honestly, take the position that it's ok to laugh and point fingers and to then make a concerted effort to exacerbate the situation.

I understand that, in some opinions, the forums at myFICO and the members thereof may push certain things with which we may disagree to extremes. I think "gardening" is stupid, but I also see how the concept - maybe not the hivemind execution - can be beneficial for certain people. And the forum members there may be insular and provincial. But, when B&T stumbled and turned to them for help, they tried, at least, to assist. Blind leading the blind, maybe. Many of us are capable of offering better advice than B&T has received so far, and yet we're content to set back and watch someone's life fall apart and to do nothing except crack open a cold one and insinuate inappropriate relations between him and his sister.

I suggest we let this thread die off.
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Postby MemberSince99 » Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:53 pm

Oh lighten up. No one is bullying him.


You can't fix stupid. You can try all you like but you just can't. Life is tough, and it's tougher yet when you're stupid or do stupid things. Though I will say he and his family should probably be in the "garden" for many years, until they learn how to manage credit.


You should try to just chill out and see the humor for what it is.

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Postby OldMan » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:11 pm

Wow! I can honestly say that this is the first time I've ever been called a bully. And while I appreciate where you're coming from, I think you're wrong. I wonder if you actually read the entire post over at myfico, and all of B&T's other posts? Let's break it down a little.

1. A person without any understanding of fiscal responsibility goes on the Internet to find out how to get credit. Rather than listen to all of the advice he's given (i.e. If you can't PIF each month, you can't afford it.) he listens only to the advice on how to obtain credit cards for himself and his family. At both sites, this one and myfico, the entire theme of the advice is to don't buy something if you can't afford it. I've read on both sites that CC's are not a contingency plan, make sure you have a plan for unexpected expenses and for loss of income.

2. That same person goes, in just a short time, from having no credit, to being ready for BK. Wow, do I need to explain this? That's not ignorance, its just plain irresponsible.

3. There sounds like there are 4 able body persons with less than 20K debt between them and it's the end of the world. As a Minister, I've dealt with families that have found themselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt due to illness. It wasn't the end of the world for them, and it won't be for B&T either. He's put himself in a bad spot, but it's nothing that he can't learn from and get out of. And it's no where near as tragic as his post make it sound.

4. There really wasn't a whole lot of advice that he received that I would personally call bad. Several times he was told to make sure that anything they bought could be PIF. As a new member here, and really new to credit, I read both sites. Plus I read just about anything I can find on responsible credit management. And while I agree there is almost a "Cult" environment in the gardening club at myfico, my bigger problem with that site is that they constantly refer to credit as a game. And worse, a lot of the post I've read, they act like it is a game, "first one to a million dollar credit limit wins!" type environment.

5. I personally don't think B&T's life is going to fall apart from this. So yes, I can find humor in his tragic posts. He might have to learn some hard lessons, but, all of us do. That's what makes us human.
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Postby djrez4 » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:51 pm

You're a minister and you're laughing at someone else's pain?

It may seem like a minor problem to us. It's overwhelming to him. Walk a mile in his shoes.
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Postby MemberSince99 » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:22 pm

djrez4 wrote:You're a minister and you're laughing at someone else's pain?

It may seem like a minor problem to us. It's overwhelming to him. Walk a mile in his shoes.




I don't think he or anything else is laughing at the pain, it's more of a comic situation that is being laughed at.


I did walk a mile in his shoes. I didn't do it quite the same way he did, but the end result was the same - I was in over my ability to repay what I owed. It took me longer than a month to do that, but if you are going to fail, I guess there may be something to failing fast. Anyway, I've been there. (And I sure don't want to go back).


I think you're just taking it way too personally. It's such a ridiculous thing to apply for every card under the sun and get refused and finally get a few approvals and then a month later think about BK that most wouldn't believe it. It usually takes a lot longer than that to fall on your sword. Some people apparently have a knack for it. But you shouldn't take it as we are happy about his downfall. And as OldMan said it's really not the end of the world. I'd be looking to sell some stuff and to try to get another job and dig out of the hole.


I just hope the guy doesn't go applying for more cards that's the LAST thing he needs right now.

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Postby jahsoul » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:37 pm

djrez4 wrote:We're berating a child who, with the best of intentions (and perhaps not the best of intellects), sought help to bring his family up from the depths of poor credit and debt. His efforts were thwarted by external factors and he didn't have the life experience to deal with it, so he turned to the internet.

I have to agree with the others on this one. The fact that he wanted a Sony card just to get a TV sorta disproves the point you were making. People tried to tell him that he was going about this the wrong way but like oldman said, he only listened to ways to get credit cards. Sadly, you can't help those like that and they will only learn when they face dire situations. Hopefully, BnT gets his stuff together and realize what's really important.

As far as walking in someone shoes, I'll pass. You learn negative effects 2 ways, through your mistakes or through the mistakes/experience of others, but either way you always learn. I sympathize but I don't empathize with those that knowingly shoot themselves in the foot. *shrugs*

At the end of all of this, I hope that BnT matures and really learn from this situation.
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Postby OldMan » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:52 pm

djrez4 wrote:You're a minister and you're laughing at someone else's pain?

It may seem like a minor problem to us. It's overwhelming to him. Walk a mile in his shoes.


I have, and through much worse problems and fires than I'll ever go into here. Everyone's problems seem overwhelming at first. Surviving and growing from them, and learning to laugh at ourselves and others is not evil, nor is it wrong. Again, that's all part of the Human Condition. If I knew this young man personally, I'd offer advice and seek to get him expert help. But I'd also teach him to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and find whatever good of his situation.

I would not hold his hand and wipe away his tears if he continued on his path however. But I would use his experiences to guide and teach others. But if I were really lucky, I might just be able to share a laugh with him later in his life. And it's been my experience that it's usually about how tragic it all seemed when they were so young that we find shared laughter in.
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Postby Metacard » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:16 pm

I agree with djrez4. The "Bears" poster is obviously very young, very unsophisticated about finance and life in general. His family also is in serious financial trouble, seems to be unsophisticated about finance, and may be able to only get minimum wage work. Why is this board making a thread dedicated to mocking this family?

Sure, some of this was predictable (especially applying for cards to buy a tv) and its possible that the "bears" family is at fault for their predicament. Though maybe some forces out of their control hurt them as well. Also, "Bears" himself may have been pressured to get these cards by his family members. Or he may feel some obligation to help them. Maybe he only listened to advice on how to get credit cards that would create more debt. But if he has hurt someone, it isn't the people on this board, and he doesn't deserve the scorn and mocking heaped upon him by people here.

I suspect "Bears" is only telling part of the story, but nonetheless, why all the piling on here? Do we need threads dedicated to pointing out that he is a fool, or ignorant or unsophisticated? This seems callous. A few months ago someone even made a fake "Bears" account here and posted one or two silly things. Its mean-sprited, not funny, what is going on.

I don't know how much sympathy or empathy is needed for the "Bears" family. But I do think mocking them is pretty harsh. There is a lot of repetitive talk on this board about the problems with the Myfico board. Much of it is deserved. A lot of bad advice is given there. But at least - for the most part - that board isn't full of mean-spirited talk.

I don't know if people need to "walk a mile in BearsandTurtles' shoes" but I suspect few posters here would react well to being talked about the same way this board is talking about Bears. It just seems as if this board is kicking Bears while he is down.

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Postby nismoZtuner » Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:05 pm



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