Vermonster wrote:Well the only problem is you can't apply for a card in her name. She would have to be ok with it, which sounds like 99% of the battle.
I won't get into your relationship, but I think the financial troubles should not be overlooked. People can grow out of this mentality, but it takes effort on their part. I HIGHLY suggest you learn from this and cancel the joint Amex. She will have to learn from her mistakes, but there is no reason you should be brought down too. Have the card put entirely in her name, then add yourself as an AU.
Vermonster has described it pretty well. If she was eager to take responsibility for the debt, I don't think she'd be acting the way she is. Getting her to assume sole responsibility is probably going to be very difficult, if not impossible. I'm not sure what the best way to go about it is, since she isn't obligated to do anything to help you. Although she might not say so explicitly, she may feel that's it's now your problem. No amount of discussion may change that.
Having the joint Amex does put you at risk for her to overspend and stick you with more debt. Are you leaning towards staying with her, or breaking up? I suspect she will interpret a closed joint account as a breakup message. She probably won't see it as you trying to help her. There's also the consideration that your utilization is very high on Discover, and your overall utilization will be high since Amex and Discover are your only cards.
rwockenf wrote:Thank you for the responses.
No I wouldn't apply for the card for her...it would be a discussion we would have. My thought process was her getting another card with me as an AU and her as primary. Then transferring her portion of the Discover balance over to this new card. I would not use the card and I would try and see if AMEX would remove her as an account holder. Is that something that is possible? It is a Costco TE card...I know about Costco and AMEX ending their relationship next year. I wonder if I would be able to get a new card with AMEX before/when the TE card ends...? Thoughts? I really don't want to close the AMEX if at all possible.
You're all right about learning the lesson with regard to the relationship. I believe she sees the debt as hers, but doesn't like discussing it. I harp on it sometimes because my name is on it too...so in trying to remove myself from it, and placing it solely on her, I think it would remove some tension because the responsibility would all be on her....and therefore, she wouldn't have to hear about it from me.
It sounds a bit like you two are on different planets. It doesn't sound like she will be less tense if $7k of debt is solely on her shoulders. Sure, she may have created it, but I don't think she'll be happy about taking it back.